I'm supposed to know what?!?

Who am I?
Why am I here?
What is my purpose?

These are big questions that we spend so much of our time trying to answer.

Though when other people ask us,
It can feel confrontational.

Like when my high school English teacher freshman year
Assigned us an essay answering the question,
”Who am I?”

I was really mad about it.

Who did this teacher think he was?
What right did he have to ask such a tough question?
And was I at 14 years old really supposed to have the answers?

So I did the only thing there was to do:

I blew off the assignment.

I wrote the essay, because that’s what I do.
But I did it my way -

Comparing myself to different objects:

A cat because I like to curl up in the sun to nap
A turnip because I’m an acquired taste
A top because I do so much and stay so busy I am always in motion until I stop.

Surface level stuff.

And my teacher thought it was brilliant.
I thought I was brilliant, that I put one over on him…

When I graduated, he put it back on me.

In my graduation card, he wrote:
”Your writing will change the world.”

What did that mean?
Was I supposed to write a book?
Become a journalist and break a huge news story?
Something else?

So I did at 18 what I did at 14 -
I blew it off entirely.

Amanda at 17, the summer before senior year, with no idea of who she was, what she wanted, or how she was going to serve the world.

I went to college because I was supposed to.
I got a job because I was supposed to.
I got married because it was the next thing on the list.
I had kids because that’s what happened.

I spent very little time thinking about my purpose
And I definitely spent no time thinking about my writing changing the world -
Except on those days I wanted to feel like a failure.

I had done everything I was supposed to do.
I had checked all the boxes.
And yet, something was missing.

I was living without purpose.

I was doing all the things -
Taking care of my home and family,
Working as a school librarian,
Serving in my community,
And I felt lost, disconnected from myself.

And when my husband told me that he had finally decided
He’d be happier not being married to me,

I knew something needed to change.

I knew I had to find myself.
I knew I had to find my purpose.

I started with my journal,
First simply writing what I was grateful for
Because that’s all I could do, even though I didn’t feel grateful for much.

And then I started looking at how in the world I had gotten so lost,
What decisions I had made that had led me where I was.

I thought about who I wanted to be
And how I was going to get there,
Documenting all of this in my journal.

I read all kinds of self-help books
Went to therapy
Took nearly every personality assessment known to man

To help me figure out who I was and what I was supposed to be doing.

Trying all kinds of new things,
Thinking - hoping! - this one would give me the answers.

The answers didn’t come quickly -
I’m still uncovering a lot of them -
But they started coming.

And one day I came to LinkedIn.

I had heard it was a place of opportunity.
I figured it’d probably lead to a new job.

And I quickly learned opportunity came in many forms.

Opportunity came as people.
Building relationships, finding community.

And opportunity came as rediscovering my love for writing.

Sure, I had been journaling for years,
But on LinkedIn, I was writing!

My writing led me to finding a passion for sharing journaling,
Which led to writing with more spirit,
Which led to me getting to know myself a little more

Each time I picked up my pen or put my hands on the keyboard.

And as I continue to learn about myself,
Leaning into different modalities,
Synthesizing it all in my journal,

My writing seems to resonate deeper with those who read it.

I still have a lot to learn
I still have a lot of work to do
Before I can fully answer the big questions,

But I’m getting closer.

And it turns out my English teacher was right -
My writing IS changing the world.

Each time I journal, it changes me just a little.

Each time I share my writing, someone reading my words
Is inspired to pick up their pen and start journaling too.

And the world gets a little better with each person who starts journaling.

One journal entry at a time, I am uncovering and living my purpose.

How about you?

Amanda at much older than 17, so much closer to answering life’s big questions, laughing at the idea that she should have known who she was at 14.

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Journal Prompts

Use these prompts as written or as inspiration to uncover what you need in your life this week. And know that I’m always here to support you and answer questions you have along the way!

• Who am I?

• Why am I here?

• What is my purpose?

• How can I make the greatest contributions?

• Where am I needed?

• What are my gifts and strengths I can use to make a difference?

• How do I desire to be of service?

• What do I want out of my life?

• What resources do I have to help me find the answers I seek?

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One Journaling Idea

The Book of Me

Devote a journal just to learning about yourself. You can start with the easy stuff - make a list of your favorite things, describe who you are in the context of your people, capture what you’re good at. As you get comfortable writing about yourself (I know it’s not easy!), you can make the questions a little more challenging, giving yourself the opportunity to dig deeper to learn about yourself. You can write about what brings you joy, when you were proud of yourself, how you let yourself down and how you recovered. You can capture lessons you’ve learned, recording how you learned the lesson. Really get to know yourself and see the effects this has on the rest of your life!

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How’s Your Journaling? Need Some Help?

Whether you’re looking for a little bit of support or a whole lot of it, I’m here to help you when you’re ready. And we can start with a conversation. Click here to put some time on my calendar.

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More Good Stuff

Journaling Mini-Retreat - Wednesday, November 15, 7:30 pm Eastern
Gift yourself some self-care with this Journaling Mini-Retreat. Join us for our next monthly group journaling celebration. Register for free HERE.

Save on Your Next Journal
Folks ask me all the time what kind of journals I recommend, and I’m thrilled that I now have a good answer for you. My friends at Scribbles That Matter, have some beautiful journal products - lined and dot journals and more - with beautifully thick paper that’s perfect for those of us who love to use markers in our journaling. You can save 10% on your order using the code AMANDA10.

Happy Journaling!