My husband left me.
Last week my husband left me.
He had a chance to go on an international trip to visit friends
And I stayed behind for a whole lot of really good reasons.
I’m glad he got to go on this trip,
I truly am.
And I was surprised at all the feelings I woke up with the day he left.
Anger.
Disappointment.
Resentment.
I didn’t see them coming, but there they were just the same.
You see, we all have our stuff:
Our past experiences, our limiting beliefs, our fears
And even when we think we’ve dealt with them,
They like to tap us on the shoulder every now and again
And remind us of the havoc they can wreak.
So there I was, awake early in the morning,
Sitting on the couch, stewing in my journal,
When all my old stories came dancing:
Stories of not being seen.
Stories of not being regarded.
Stories of not being loved.
My sweet husband, so focused on the excitement of getting ready for his trip,
Didn’t think to consider what he could do
To make life easier for me while he was gone.
(Confession: I’m someone who anticipates needs and fills them,
A classic Enneagram 2.
I LOVE getting to make life easier for those I love
And even though I know not everyone thinks this way,
And even though I know the easiest way to get my needs met is to ask for what I want,
I often wish [or expect] others will anticipate my needs.
And if they don’t, it’s obviously evidence that they don’t love me.
Yes, I KNOW this isn’t true.
Though sometimes it absolutely feels that way.)
I filled pages and pages of my journal that morning,
Working through it:
How I felt, what I needed, how I was going to get my needs met,
How I was going to take care of me.
I can’t tell you how much it helped.
By the time I went to bed that night, I pretty much felt like me again.
I slept so amazingly well.
And the next morning, as I took my shower,
A line I didn’t expect rang through my head:
My husband left me.
My husband left me.
My husband left me.
Again.
I didn’t see that coming.
Underneath all the anger, disappointment, and resentment I had felt the day before
Was this piece of me that felt rejected.
You see, nine years ago my first marriage ended.
On a Monday, completely out of the blue,
When my then-husband told me:
”I’ve finally decided I’d be happier not being married to you.”
Ouch!
It took a lot of work for me to be okay after that.
That was the experience that led me to discover all of the ways
Journaling could help and support me.
And journaling was what really helped me to not just survive, but thrive
To figure out how to move my life forward
And I’ve been able to really call on its power in every hard circumstance since.
So again, just like the day before,
I found myself on the couch, journal in hand,
Working through what I felt.
All of the feelings -
The hurt
The shame
The rejection
The loneliness
That came with being left
Just melted away
As I reminded myself the situation wasn’t the same.
This one hasn’t left me - he’s just a few time zones away for now.
But even if he did
(Which he won’t because he knows he hit the jackpot when he found me!)
I would be okay.
Because I can always choose me.
I am always here for me.
And so is my journal.
No matter what stuff comes up,
Whether it’s new stuff or echoes of long-ago stuff,
I can work through it all in my journal.
I can find and remind myself of the truth.
I can change my perspective.
I can write new stories - or new endings to my stories.
So, yeah, my husband left me.
And I can’t wait until he comes back home.
Journal Prompts
Use these prompts as written or as inspiration to uncover what you need in your life this week. And know that I’m always here to support you and answer questions you have along the way!
What is the limiting belief, the story that sneaks up on you when you least expect it?
Where did it come from?
How has it impacted you?
When does it come out to tap you on the shoulder?
How do you deal with it when it arrives?
What belief would you like to replace it with?
What steps can you take to make that happen?
Journaling Fun and Support
My weekly livestream is back! Join me on Tuesdays at 8pm Eastern as I welcome a series of guests who do interesting, fun things that tie into journaling! This week, I welcome my friend Jess Smith to talk about EFT tapping, a powerful somatic tool that can help us uncover and remove mindset blocks and replace them with the radiant self confidence and trust we need to build the lives we dream. Tune in on LinkedIn, YouTube, or Facebook (if you’re my mom!). Missed last week’s session on hypnosis? Catch it HERE.
Our monthly Journaling Mini-Retreat is this week - Wednesday, January 17 at 7:30pm Eastern. Gift yourself an hour of self-care and connection. Register for this free group session HERE.
Have questions about journaling? Need some support, encouragement, or accountability? Let’s have a conversation and explore how I can help! Book time on my calendar here. Be sure to bring your journal to our session!
Happy Journaling!
What beautiful, life-sustaining and enriching work you do, Amanda. I love the way you tell about it, too.