There are no rules for this

I love rules.

You know, well-crafted, purposeful rules
That make sense.

Ones that keep us safe and healthy,
Give order to our lives,
Help us know what to expect.

And I’ve been lamenting this week
That sometimes there are no rules
For how to move through a particular situation.

Last week, my first mother-in-law died.

We had never been close.

I wanted to like my mother-in-law so badly,
But there I was, in my early 20s,
Newly married, and not liking her.

She meant well, I'm sure,
But, boy, did she get under my skin!

Intruding. Undermining. Getting in the way.
And the way her son defended her, took her side,
Didn't do anything to help.

She was delighted when grandkids came along,
Though it gave more opportunities for her to get in the way.

And when we got divorced, things got worse.

Finally I drew some boundaries.
Extricated myself from the situation.

I talked to her very little for about eight years.

Until she got sick last month -
Diagnosed with late stage cancer.

She lived about two weeks after she received her diagnosis.
And I was there with her at the hospital nearly every day.

Sometimes it was just the two of us
And we learned - finally - to speak the same language
And truly to love each other.

Now I’m in this weird place
Where I’m not sure how to grieve her.

If we had been close the whole time I knew her,
It’d be more clear for me to know how to act, what to do.

If I had flat-out disliked her the whole time,
That’d be easier too.

There are no rules for this.

There’s no book called
How to Grieve the Former Mother-in-Law You Didn’t Like Most of the Time You Knew Her, But You Grew to Love at the End

(I looked.)

So I have to write my own.

This will be another chapter in the book of life I’m writing -
My journal -
Which keeps all my stories

Providing the map that helps me know how to navigate
New experiences with the history of where I’ve been.

The book I wish existed: How to Grieve the Former Mother-in-Law You Didn’t Like Most of the Time You Knew Her, but You Grew to Love at the End

The more I think about this,
The more I realize how many situations in life
Have no clear rules.

So many situations we have to navigate on our own.

But we don’t have to do it alone.
We can find others who’ve walked a similar road.
We can share our experiences to help others.

And when we can’t find the books we need,
We can write them for ourselves.

Our journals can help.

For fun, here are other books that I had to write myself because they didn’t exist when I needed them.

Other books I wish existed when I needed them

What was the most unexpected book you had to write for yourself?

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Journal Prompts

Use these prompts as written or as inspiration to uncover what you need in your life this week. And know that I’m always here to support you and answer questions you have along the way!

• Write about situations you’ve navigated that didn’t have rules, times you had to figure them out as you went along.

• What did you learn about yourself?

• What did you learn about life?

• Who needs to hear the story of how you made it through?

• Who has the stories you need to hear so you can become stronger and more resilient?

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Journaling Fun and Support

• My weekly livestream is back! Join me on Tuesdays at 8pm Eastern as I welcome a series of guests who do interesting, fun things that tie into journaling! This week, I welcome my friend Julie Griffin to talk about The 6 Types of Working Genius! Tune in on LinkedIn, YouTube, or Facebook (if you’re my mom!). Missed last week’s session on Clifton Strengths? Catch it HERE.

  

• It’s almost time for our next Journaling Mini-Retreat! Join me on Wednesday, March 20 at 7:30pm Eastern for an hour of self-care, self-love, and connection. Register for free HERE.

• Have you signed up yet for the 7-Day Journaling Challenge?

  Seven of my favorite sets of journal prompts delivered straight to your inbox over the next week, designed to help you get to know yourself better. Because self-discovery —> self-compassion —> self-love. And isn’t that what the world needs now? Love, sweet self-love. Register for free HERE.

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Happy Journaling!